Rating: Could Not Rate
I received a copy of this book for an honest review.
I have read my fare share of ‘making a deal with the devil’ and it’s always the same regurgitated storylines that I’ve stopped trying to find my ‘demon’ novel to fall in love with. It just isn’t happening. This is no exception.
It follows the same line, a mysterious and well dressed ‘L’ character visits the MC with a deal- his name usually being Lucifer. I haven’t even gotten past the whole meet-and-greet with the two of them, and I’m starting to struggle with it.
This story needs a good edit, it reads like a bad first story and I know it’s not the writer’s first story, it’s now more of the the ‘you’ve-gotten-the-writing-bug-but-shouldn’t-show-your-work-this-early-in-the-game’ type of story. It needs a good edit, there are missing commas all over the place, there are commas where there shouldn’t be one. Then there are words that just mess up the flow of sentences.
It’s a shame, because I really want to help out my fellow writers with good publicity and a nice review.
The writer falls into the trap of telling rather than showing. We have conversations without a speckle of description in the first half. Then we have scenes which don’t have an introduction, but read like they’ve just been splattered onto to the page.
The meeting between ‘Lu’ and the MC has been written so that everything just flows for the story, but it wouldn’t happen in real life. For example, Satan wouldn’t just come out and say he’s Satan. He’d manipulate the person into liking him and thinking he’s a decent guy, and probably- only if he’s feeling nice- he’ll divulge the information of who he really is when the meeting is just about over, before dismissing the person so they don’t get a chance to respond. That’s just my take on it. It would be so much easier than having to deal with a major freak-out from the person.
Sentences are put in where they would be better off not being there, for example. “The man suddenly leaned forward raised an eyebrow and smiled as though he knew what Dermot was thinking’ , but then the next paragraph he goes on to voice the MCs inner thoughts, so it ends up just repeating what already been said. (Also, I didn’t miss the commas, they’re not there).
Okay, I’ve got to call it quits now. I tried, I love demons and devils. But with no description on the characters and just reading line-after-line of dialogue. I can’t go any further. It’s an extremely interested premise, but I feel like it’s not ready for public consumption and needs to be placed onto a desk and gone through with a red pen with more dept and description given to the characters and the conversations. The story is nowhere near as good as it could be. I hope the writer does go back and edits it, because it deserves it.