A Non-Rejection Rejection.

Today is the 10-week mark since getting in touch with two agents. Not going to name names.

Well, they haven’t gotten back.

That’s 3 out of the 4 people I’ve sent to now not getting back in touch. I wouldn’t mind if it’s a rejection, but not getting in reply just means that you didn’t read it, or you could read it on Monday or Tuesday next week and get in touch.

I’d rather have a rejection than be ignored.

My first rejection.

I got it at exactly 16:59 in my mailbox, and I’m so happy about it.

I mean every time I think about it I get a little dorky smile and butterflies in my stomach. I did not in a million years think I’d be this happy about getting a rejection.

It was from an agent who will remain nameless. She was really nice, she basically just said it’s tough to break into the business, that I shouldn’t be disheartened and another publisher may think differently about my piece.

I want to hug her. She’s just made my day. It’s the nicest possible way to write a rejection. She didn’t even say anything about my writing. Which I’ll just take as a good thing. Honestly, agent- wherever you are- I love you.

I sent queries to another agent and a publisher last night. Bloody hell they take forever to get written!! I wanted to get more done, but I didn’t. It doesn’t get any easier, you panic, sweat a bit, and try and not to look at the send button while pressing it, as your heart thumps in your chest. Then the sudden stomach clenching fear that its gone, that you wont be able to bring it back, or stop it from reaching its destination.

It’s the same thing every.single.time.

I’m going to my aunt’s today to put up christmas decorations and she’s making dinner. I’m thinking of bringing my laptop with me, because I don’t watch television and can still talk and type at the same time. I had to write an article for a job yesterday as well (woah, yesterday was a productive day).

Self-doubt is creeping in…again.

I’ve been searching on-and-off today for agents and publishing houses to send this manuscript from book 1 to, when self doubt crept in and I have *looks up* four tabs opened of agents. It’s bout to turn midnight and I haven’t sent it to a single person.

This is horrible. I feel sick with doubt and fear. I wish I could get someone else to do it for me.

I wouldn’t be still writing if I thought I was crap, but why can’t I send off this stupid query letter. It was a struggle the first time, I just presumed it would get easier. But oh my god, it doesn’t. 

I know why people go on the self-publishing route now, this is just putting oneself through emotional and mental torture. I can’t wait till I get a rejection letter, I probably wont even flinch at it, and chuck it in the bin and carry on.

I’m calling it a day, after not sending a single e-mail off. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel brave enough to do it, but not today.