Fingers in Too Many Pies?

I always wondered why it’s tough to nail down a job and I’ve figured it out:

You got too many pies! [or the things you can do]

I know, I have my fingers in all these different but wonderful pies, but my history has all of them being these little parts of a bigger job.

Job hunting puts you up against people who have a degree in graphic design, acting or have years of magazine design or whatever you done in college.

Then there’s just little ole you booping along wanting someone to give you a break, waving your college’s magazine, graphics or writing examples at them.

My tip for anyone in the same position:

You roll with it!

Sometimes a job has nothing to add to your collection of pies that you’ve spent years crafting. Don’t let this get you down! Because you may just end up picking up another wonderful pie along the way!

You can never have too many pies! Life is for collecting all the pies!!

Maybe Tomorrow.

I always thought of people on the dole or social welfare as lazy. That getting a job isn’t that hard. I was gutted that I left a 2.5k-a-month job, to being on the dole because some asswipe wanted to abuse the system. I felt like crap, and I remember sitting in the car and trying to keep myself from crying as a filled out all the forms to put myself onto the live-register.

I didn’t pay €30,000+ on education to be jobless and on €100-a-week.

Nearly a year later, and I’m still on it. It doesn’t get any easier, and that deephate for a messed-up government doesn’t leave. It stays there, in the pit of your stomach, and you’ll get through your day without flipping, until you lie down in bed and cry yourself to sleep.

And you know why?

Because you know your better than this, you know you can do so much, but your stuck in your stupid house and staring as the days slip on by. You do try your best to be upbeat and get the most of the day, so you get up at the crack-of-dawn and go walking. You come home and you make a stab at that hobby of yours, hoping something will spark in your brain. But it doesn’t.

There comes a point when your optimism disappears, that upbeat bright future vanishes. It takes a while- people don’t understand how you keep it together- but one day you’ll wake up, and you’ll just sit there. You know it’s fruitless to search for jobs, because you know exactly which ones are going to show up, and you know the ones from last month will be reposted with the exact same job…you did send off to that one didn’t you? Of course you did, they just didn’t bother getting back in touch.

You skip job searching for a few days, because it’s pointless, and you can always send off a day late, who’s going to care, right? And so you do. You keep sending off, and you even send off to major companies, in the hopes that they see your capability and whisk you up in their arms…but they don’t. They’re nice in their rejection- saying that they’ll keep you on file-  but you know your silly for even trying.

You don’t even get excited about interviews anymore. The non-paying ones you just do to get out of this house, and just if may be interested in doing it…

Oh, and then there’s the paying ones. You show off like you’re an animal in a crazed circus, and you keep on chatting about your love for some software you need to remember the name off, so you can buy it and learn it. Because, if it takes learning a new software in a day for a job, you’re going to be the expert in it.

On a high, you go home. You sit down and you sit your phone in front of you. You try and do things, but your phone is constantly in your hand or sitting beside you, and your eyes keep darting towards it, waiting for the e-mail or call. It never comes.

Maybe they’ll ring tomorrow? Yea, maybe tomorrow.

It’s the only notion that keeps you going now…

Maybe tomorrow. 

Getting back into life and writing.

I usually don’t take such a long break from writing, but I just haven’t felt the need to write anything in such a long time. To give an idea- I only wrote 700-odd words last month and this month I’m only at 161 words.

It’s really bad. I’m more focused on getting jobs, interviews, going walking and losing weight. I think I’m also putting off sending my book to more publishers, so if I don’t write I don’t have to think about it.

My days usually start with a morning walk- followed by cleaning the house- then job searching, going out to my dad, coming home and wasting time on the computer and doing random tasks, and then going for my night walk.

Being jobless has made me unmotivated and uninspired and my days just kinda blend into one. So I’ll think ‘oh, it’s too late to try and reach my word goal, I’ll start tomorrow’ or ‘the story is a mess, I won’t look at it’.7542642880_5ddd012599_o

Today is different. This morning, I opened a manuscript that I’m having problems with and I have been working on it for an hour now. I’m not going to waste my day job hunting, but leave all that till tonight before going to bed. I’m also going to do research in a bit to find more agents and publishers to send my other manuscript to. Not another second of my day is going to be wasted doing nothing.

I’m not going to let being jobless get to me today. Today is about making progress and not rolling into a ball at 1pm and wanting the day to be over.

Just another week.

Another week has gone and nothing has changed.

I had one interview on Wednesday for a post production company.

But first lets go back a day, because on Tuesday I got a nasty black eye that I had to sport while at the little talk with the company. I couldn’t even get my eyebrows done because of the cut and swelling so even before I went to talk to him I was not in the mood for any of it.

I presumed being what company it was that I’d be getting my hands dirty and finally editing tv series and films. Turns out it wasn’t. It was basically for a €50-a-week scivvy to take the work load off the guy. For the poor soul to run around after clients and front of house so that this guy could get more work done… No, thanks.

The interview itself was even crap, I spent two-hours going to and from the place [people looking at my shinny black eye] for a 10 minutes talk, if it was even that. Total bull.

I also went to the dentist on Monday for the first time in years, turns out I need 4 fillings. So even my week got on a bad footing. I’m getting 2 of the fillings on Monday and I’m not looking forward to it one bit.  It’s all because one time my tooth got really sensitive and ended up in agony while he was still drilling it, and then it had to be taken out anyway a year later. So I’m terrified that’s going to happen again.

Can’t sleep

I’ve been up since 5am, it’s now gone 7:50am on Valentine’s Day. My cough woke me up and I haven’t stopped choking since, brother came in from work and I’m left sitting on my bed with my laptop trying to look for a job.

I would love to go back into acting, and I was over in the social welfare office and saw a advert for an actress. I wish I got the details because I went searching for it again and couldn’t find it. Just did a little search again to see if I could find anything, but nothing.

I think whenever I go get money going back into acting will be the first thing on my to-do list. I’m itching to do it again.

I also have 10,000 words to write today and tomorrow. Not too bad. I just wish I would just write the damn words and stop putting it off.

My parents are starting to annoy me. I saw the advert for one of the major media channels over here and of course I was going to go for it, and I told my mam [making small talk] and she tells me to go for it????! WHAT?! No, I’ll just tell you about the ad I saw and wont send off to it. They’ve been at that a lot recently, bottle-feeding me like I’m some child that can’t think for herself. Makes you feel like crap, doesn’t it?  I feel like I’m suffocating with the two of them.. It’s a NEED to get out of this house before I explode.