Goodbyes are Never Easy.

Leaving a job is supposed to be that you gather up your things in a little brown box and just walk out the front door all happy, right?

It’s not.

It was supposed to be a happy day. Get a few drinks and then give everyone a hug and be on my next great adventure.

It isn’t so easy.

It’s fucking emotional.

I try to my hardest to keep a distance, to not get attached to people, knowing that the day will come when I gotta say goodbye. But, like always, it didn’t fucking work.

Two other colleagues before me left without a bother, just got up and walked on home without looking back. Well, granted they left on their own accord. They weren’t in the middle of a merger and the one getting the boot.

I did keep it together throughout the day, when getting my present of two books [Stephen King’s On Writing and 649 writing prompts] and a card with all their messages. I sucked it back and kept drinking. It was only when walking up the stairs to the office for the last time, that I couldn’t hold it anymore.

When you’ve lived in a house in Amsterdam for six weeks with two of them and then spend two-thirds of the last year in the same office. Without realising it, they became my family, and that’s who I was saying goodbye to.

I hate the job for giving me them, because I know I’m never going to have this again. I’m never going to have colleagues that I’ve lived with as strangers and then became a second-family.

This was supposed to be easy. Go to work, have a few drinks, say my goodbyes and go home.

There was just one thing I didn’t notice until it was too late.

I wasn’t saying goodbye to the job and colleagues.

I was saying goodbye to my family.


 

PS. I don’t care if you see this guys.

‘I’m going to die someday’

This is the thought that I’m going to keep with my from now.

I’m not always going to be here. 

I could not wake up from my sleep tomorrow. This coffee that I’m drinking could be my last ever coffee and I wouldn’t know.

Even if you don’t want to think like that….

You’re constantly getting closer to that one day- when it’s going to be your last. Whether your twenty, fifty or one-hundred-and-something. One day you’re not going to see the sun ever again, go to your favourite place, or even eat you’re favourite food.

Now, think about that till it hits you in the core, that it makes a chill run through your bones. You may momentarily stop breathing out of this terrifying reality.

Then get to work.

Whether it be saving money for your dream trip, or doing something you’ve always dreamed about but your self-confidence keeps knocking you back…remember, everyone is going to die and nobody is better than you, we’re all heading in the same direction.

Just do it. Don’t listen to anyone else.

Because today may just be your last.

It’s that exact notion I’m going to live my life from now on, and I’m going to stop wasting precious time.

Getting back into life and writing.

I usually don’t take such a long break from writing, but I just haven’t felt the need to write anything in such a long time. To give an idea- I only wrote 700-odd words last month and this month I’m only at 161 words.

It’s really bad. I’m more focused on getting jobs, interviews, going walking and losing weight. I think I’m also putting off sending my book to more publishers, so if I don’t write I don’t have to think about it.

My days usually start with a morning walk- followed by cleaning the house- then job searching, going out to my dad, coming home and wasting time on the computer and doing random tasks, and then going for my night walk.

Being jobless has made me unmotivated and uninspired and my days just kinda blend into one. So I’ll think ‘oh, it’s too late to try and reach my word goal, I’ll start tomorrow’ or ‘the story is a mess, I won’t look at it’.7542642880_5ddd012599_o

Today is different. This morning, I opened a manuscript that I’m having problems with and I have been working on it for an hour now. I’m not going to waste my day job hunting, but leave all that till tonight before going to bed. I’m also going to do research in a bit to find more agents and publishers to send my other manuscript to. Not another second of my day is going to be wasted doing nothing.

I’m not going to let being jobless get to me today. Today is about making progress and not rolling into a ball at 1pm and wanting the day to be over.

I can smell christmas!

YIPEEE!!

Shopping is over and done with now, just have to get something for my dinner, but presents and all are done. Yay!

I have to head to the doctors today to check this bandage on my nose because I think it may be coming off. I got caught in the rain yesterday.  The department of the hospital down the road from me (literally) only opens on Fridays, so I’ll end up driving to the other side of Dublin to sit in a waiting room for hours just to see a doc for five minutes to get it reapplied. Woo!

But, hopefully it doesn’t come to that. Because I don’t want to see another hospital. It also means that Christmas day is going to be spent at home due to the inability to go out in the cold with it. But I don’t mind, I can play with my guitar.

It’s also astonishing the amount of double-takes I get from people because of it. Seriously people, stop staring! It’s rude.

Getting a Guitar for Christmas

So, it’s been going around-and-around in my head for months that I’m just constantly thinking about guitars and getting annoyed about the fact that I was just down right terrible at playing one.

Even my music teacher had to stop the class to laugh at me, and her lessons were always making light-humour jokes in my direction to get the class laughing. That is how bad I was, my music teacher thought it was hilarious.

And it’s just really getting to me that I am musically challenged(the only thing I’m able to play is the flute)…So, what am I doing?

I’ve asked for a guitar for Christmas and I’m going to teach myself how to play it. And by my sisters wedding I’ll be able to play out at least one song.

So my 2015 news years resolution is to learn the guitar.

Nose breakage and mayhem shopping.

First and foremost… I broke my nose. This is my first ever break! It’s a milestone! I spent the majority of my Sunday sitting in A&E just to have a ten minute consultation to let me know it’s broken. Today is being spend hunting down other hospitals to get it fixed sooner (they wanted me to wait another 2 weeks, because they only do it on Fridays and next Friday is booked out).

I wouldn’t mind if I was doing something exciting like rugby or horse riding or got into a bar fight…no, not me. Wait for it….

I did it in my sleep.

Yep, i broke my nose in my sleep and I tell you something it was so painful with blood pooling everywhere. You know when you’re still asleep and you’re turning over to get comfortable? Yea, I didn’t think the wall was so close and ended up smashing my nose against it. Painful as hell when it happened.

Also went to town yesterday…MAYHEM isn’t the word for what it was. This weekend (of the 8th) is when everyone from the north comes down to do their christmas shopping. I noticed them too; going to wrong way around streets, and asking if they can use their pounds. Why would you even come to Dublin and not have Euro??! Silly.