No computer has given me so much time and I don’t know what to do with it! 

For the first time ever ( in the three years I’ve had it) my MacBook broke last Monday. 

I’m already starting to lose my mind, I don’t know what to do with myself, Like I have all this free time and nothing to do with it. I can’t edit any or work on my novels. The funny thing is, I’m pretty sure that I went longer than this without touching them, but because I know I can’t work on them it’s just making it so much harder. 

It also doesn’t help that I had to take a very rare sick day from work yesterday due to a  migraine that started on Thursday while in work . I’ve never gotten a migraine before. But I’ve started to get back into playing The Elder Scrolls again (I haven’t touched it in months, and I know why- it’s extremely addictive) so I have this free time and I can use it up by advancing in that game. (I may go and buy myself a television for my room, so I can play it whenever I want and not wait around for people to finish watching tv. 

My MacBook won’t be home till next Friday, so a whole week to find stuff to do when I come home that’s not wasting I front of the television. 

It’s just weird that I use to function without a computer. What the hell did I even do with myself? I need to fill up this free time and right now it’s looking to be the Xbox that’s going to do it, because I can’t think of anything else to do with it. 

The Weekend of Christmas Spirit!

This weekend has left my Christmas-ed out. It all started on Friday…

After everyone giving out, with me being the only person with a Christmas jumper. I was going to go for Christmas drinks, but by the end of the day, I was just too tired. While walking home, I was thankful because the pubs and bars were already busy and I would’ve ended up having to drag two bags into cramp spaces while trying not to lose them. Not my ideal Christmas drinks.

Saturday morning I got up super early…

This was what I was staring at at 9am on Saturday morning, getting pretol to go into town. Had to get in early to miss the crowds.Just had to get the last few presents.

[been sending messages while writing this, scratch that- still got a present to buy for the bestie]

I’m super proud of what I got everyone, but I really like what I got my brother that I was very tempted to take my brother’s present and keep it for myself.


Mulled Wine 

My one-and-only nanny usually makes this mulled wine on Christmas day that everyone shimmies over to her house to get a glass, but for the first time ever she won’t be here for Christmas [she’s going down to the country to my uncle] so I’ve taken it upon myself to make mulled wine… and it didn’t turn out half-bad. Still not as nice as nanny’s, but it’ll do for Christmas.








I am a tiny bit drunk on my first glass right now, but I’m going to make it Christmas morning and be merry and cheerful for the day.

No Ebook 2016.

Bookstore are dying!

I just read this article about the decline of booksells and major bookshops are getting a massive hit. I was just in a bookstore yesterday, but that wasn’t to buy a book, but a silly little Chirstmas present. The one thing that stuck with me was the amount of people standing around with handfuls of book and reading through them.

I also bought 2 free ebooks off an author I follow on Twitter…because I couldn’t wait for the actual books to show up…

I feel terrible about myself. Because I always remember as a kid being in the middle of a brilliant series and getting the bookstore to order the next book in, then getting itchy fingers waiting for it to arrive…

I miss those days.

Books just lose their value when they’re in ebook-format. You don’t care i you do or don’t read it, but when it’s sitting on your shelf, staring at you- you’re more likely to pick it up and give it some love.

So, 2016 is the year that I Wwill not buy a single ebook. Not a single one. I’ll read ebooks that I’ve alrady downloaded, becasue it’s somewhere in the twenties now, but any other books I will buy in the physical form.

Anyone with me?

Anyone else want to join in my no-ebook 2016.

To buy an IPhone or not?

I’m thinking of buying an IPhone in the new Year, I currently have an IPhone 5 for the last few years. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I want to upgrade.

But I don’t know if I’ll be able to hand over €700-€800 on a phone. I don’t want to go back in a contract, because I use A LOT of data, and the bill plans don’t cover unlimited data, and if I pay €20 in prepay I can get unlimited data.

Has anyone bought an IPhone outright? Was it worth it? I think it’s just crazy spending so much money on a phone, but theres’ nothing else that even comes close to Apple.


First Guitar Lesson

Went to my first ever guitar lesson last night. It was a disaster to say the least.

A little bit of background.

I did a semester of music when I did transition year [a year that students can choose to do or not] and during that time you practically just waste a year, do work experience and go on little trips to random places. Well, one thing that my class did is that we got a choice to try all the modules that we never took before… music being one of them for me.


[Last Christmas Day]

During those handful of weeks, I became the worst in the class. The teacher would run off and make us read music sheets [something I hadn’t done for at least 3 years prior] and we’d all be sitting there, guitars in hands, and she’d call out notes…I was lost, and she would repeatedly point me out [in a fun way] and because I didn’t have a guitar at home, I couldn’t practice. It wasn’t all bad- I was able to play a few songs out…eventually. At the time it didn’t bother me as much, but as the years passed [at least 10 now] it really got to me that I couldn’t play guitar [well, the way I wanted too, anyway]. I think it’s the combination that I love the sound of music and most of the songs I love have guitars in them, and then the whole fact that practically everyone can play the guitar…it couldn’t be as hard as school made it out to be… right?

It turns out, it is.

I walked towards the music school at 19:35, it’s slightly out of my direct route home, but still on the way home. I was waiting at the door when this 7-year-old comes with her dad and guitar slugged over her back…I felt like a kid again, waiting to do a Tang Soo Doo class in the cold gym hall. The air of smugness of the daughter and father didn’t help my feelings in the slightest – or probably I was so wrapped up in this excitement/anxiety running around inside me.

My instructor talks me through what we’d do over the next few weeks if I choose to do the classes. It seems very daunting, but that reading music wouldn’t come into it…thank god!

I sat in front of my instructor, guitar balanced on my lap, with the feeling like he’s scrutinising every-little-way I’m holding onto my instrument. He’s impressed that I know the guitar strings by heart, but then comes the finger positions for the note E and A Minor. These are the exact same positions, just a line down from one another…probably the easiest two notes to change to-and-from…think I could do it? Nope. Not a hope in hell.

He had to show me the basics, such as holding a pic the right way. The right angle to put my fingers at. Yep, lost it all in those few years.

Then came the strumming…I was flicking my wrist too much and how many strings do I have to hit again?? Where does the bottom string keep going to?? I just couldn’t hit all the strings, no matter how much I wanted to.

I got a tonne of homework to do for next week. Such as practicing the music notes and strumming the strings.

Learning the guitar is an extremely daunting process.

You’re weird if you keep a diary!

We were having a conversation one day last week, and one of the guys said a off-hand comment about diaries, along the lines off:

“Who the hell keep a diary?”

It just struck me as odd that she would think such a thing. Why wouldn’t you want to write down your thoughts and feelings to be able to read them years later?

Along with these thoughts I have pictures of younger me and of times gone by with best friends I no longer talk to, but I treasure this book and will keep it for the rest of my life.

Why wouldn’t you want to have a box of memories to read through when you’re old and forgetful?

How about making something that when you’re no longer here that your great-great grand kid or even grandchild can read to see what their grandmother use to be like and what she got up to?

I always remembered when I was a kid/preteen and sitting on my bed at night writing away in my diary that I got off my aunt. I don’t know where it’s gone to now, but I do remember the joy of being able to read back on my younger self’s life and reading about days that I completely forgotten about and just getting a little feeling of younger-me back felt wonderful.

Why wouldn’t you want that? By doing something so simple as jotting down your thoughts for less than five minutes whenever there’s something interesting to talk about?

Is it really that weird nowadays for people to have a diary?

My [hopefully] life-long buddy.

A talk with a stranger

There’s this man who keeps meeting me at the bus stop, it started at the beginning of last week. Basic things. I’d been polite and said hello when he said hello to me, and then he stuck.

I thought it was going to be a once off, but day-after-day I’d meet him at the bus-stop.

It got a bit weird when he asked me to meet him for some tea after work on Thursday. I ended up avoiding my usually stop home and went to the stop furthest away from me so I wouldn’t have to meet him.

He knew a lot of people around where we live and he’d always greet the bus driver by name as I got on. I found out that he’s going to a homeless shelter for breakfast, but I don’t know if he’s actually homeless.

To my dismay, today- for the first time- he got on the bus with me. My mornings are for day-dreaming with my music, not trying to look like I want to talk to someone.

I kept looking at my phone, in the hope that I didn’t have to talk to him. He handed my a bottle of Lucozade and offered a bar of chocolate [for people who don’t know, that is what people are giving on methadone].

Then he started to hand over pictures… from 1997. I stopped trying to pretend to look at my phone and looked at a photo of a  30-year-old smiling man with his arms wrapped around his sister. I looked across at him- by the look of him he couldn’t have been younger than 70. Wrinkled skin, wispy white hair and bad teeth. But, by the dates on the photos, he couldn’t have been older than mid-50s. I felt a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach.

He had the down-and-out look about him: bad hair, skin, teeth, and clothes that looked like they’ve seen better days. Over the days I’d watch him say hello to everyone but every-single-person would ignore him. If I had been in their shoes, I would have done the same. He’s the person that everybody avoids like the plague.

But, here I was sitting across from him with his photos in my hand, not saying anything. In my hands I held a portal into his not-so-long-ago life. By the cheeky smile and funny expressions  he had been a charismatic guy and would have held a conversation with anyone on that bus if he wanted to.

What sat across from me was not that guy.

It made me realise:

Life’s a bitch.

Finding My Style

Now that I have money, I’m finally going to start finding my look. I will no longer open my wardrobe of jumpers and plain t-shirts and jeans that I haven’t worn in years, but yet still haven’t managed to throw out. I’m going to stop wearing my basic jeans and a t-shirt every-single-day. I am going to put outfits together…and to begin with- I’m making my rocker-look.

The boots are the most expensive at €88

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I saw them months ago and fell in love with them. They’ll be perfect for the winter months, then another reason I’m doing this is because I’ve always wanted a leather bracelet and I’m a slight rocker-head with a major love for AC/DC and Metallica. I dislike the disco/rave music. I like songs with major guitars riffs and lyrics that have meanings and ballets that make the hairs stand up on my neck.

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I love leather bracelets, I love them on girls and always wanted to buy them, but never had the money. So voila! I’m buying these….

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To finish the look off I want to get good t-shirts that will go with it and finish the look off nicely. So the two I’ve found so far are…

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I really need to start buying jewellery and make-up. To stop going shopping with influential people, but to go and buy exactly what I want without the annoying comments stopping me in my tracks. Because of those comments, I’m 25 and don’t have a style, I do not feel good with my basic-looking clothes that don’t give me confidence. I want to feel good in what I’m wearing and I want to stop blending in with the crowd.