2017 – The Year of Yes

2017 didn’t get off on a good footing, so bad with my anxiety that I ended up in church for the first time in 1.5 years. I’m all good now though.

This year is the year of ‘YES’. Yes to meeting people, yes to walking the dog, yes to job hunting…whatever it’s going to be yes.

So far, it’s going good after saying yes to every meeting or group gathering so far, I’m upbeat and giddy again- I haven’t been like this in well over a year. I’m happy to see everyone and happy about every day joys.

I’ve sent my book off to a competition and rewrote the query letter for said book. I’m going to get around to more agents/publishers at the weekend and I’m loving it more ever single time I work on it [so much better than last year when it was struggle to even look at it most days]

The goals for 2017 are:

Acting/Modelling. I may be shit at one or both of these but I dipped my toes in both a few years back and I want to do get back into it again.

New job. Obviously. Waiting to hear back from an interview I had before Christmas, so I’m hoping it’s good news.

Read more. I still haven’t started this for 2017, between the rocky start and everyday meetings of all the ‘yes’ that I keep saying it has not happened. But I’m staying in tomorrow night [well, right now….oh shit, no I’m not] okay… I’m going to start over the weekend when I get the chance.

Health – I want to go at least go 2 days-a-week without coffee. This has been made harder because my family bought my a capsule coffee machine. Going to lost a few more pounds and I’m happy, my main focus isn’t about losing weight any more, but rather just eat healthy.

Find Love. I’ve already started this, but other came from it. I went on a date last Friday but I haven’t heard from them and that’s fine. Just going to keep trying.

Travelling. Well, the plans is to go to Australia to my sister to help her home with her adorable new son. I’m dying to get over to them, everything is just baby…baby everything. I’ve even gone to town for myself and end up looking at baby clothes for hours.

Saving. I want to buy a car and start driving. I want to go on hikes at the weekends and just hop in my little car and drive anywhere. But I do I want a 1967 Mustang- so a lot of saving to do.

Writing Yes, the beginning of 2017 writing has come to a standstill. I nearly made it to 100k words for 2016, but 2017 I’m going to try and complete at least 4 drafts of some work in progresses that have been sitting untouched for a while. I’ve already sent off another manuscript into writing competitions and spending the weekend sending to publishers and agents.

So, to everyone reading this, Happy New Year!

I hope you all have a fantastic 2017 and that you achieve all your goals and all your wishes come true.

Don’t Call it a Diet



“Oh you’re on a diet?”

“How’s the diet going?

“Are you still dieting?

Yes, I made the mistake of letting slip that I’ve changed my eating habits. See? It’s not a diet. To me diets are something you do till you get to your ideal weight and then it’s back to your usually eating once you do. And the cycle repeats.

Is it just me who comes across this, but once people know you’re on a diet that they have a say in what you do with your body?

I got this comment the other day:

You don’t need to diet. 

Why do people think that they have a say on what someone else does with their life? With their body? Maybe it’s just me, but I always thought when people changed their lifestyle and eating habits, it’s not for the opinions of other people.  They’re doing it for themselves, they’re doing it to be healthier, to be able to do everything that they couldn’t, to feel confident and to look good. It’s not about what people think.

My weight loss journey so far…

Early last year I got to my heaviest of 13.5stone and I had a bridesmaid dress to fit into and that’s when I got shook out of my little bad-eating stupor that I’d been in. I didn’t take a photo at this stage as I physically hated what I saw and it’s burned into my brain for eternity.

I’m now down to 11.9stone. The problem now is I don’t have much of a stomach, but it’s all my hips in stubborn love-handles which I’m going to start hitting over the next week.

It’s the simple things now that make me feel great- instead of going to the ‘goodie’ press I have a glass of water and if I’m still hungry I reach for an apple or a handful of grapes. I no longer crave chocolate or sweets, I can finally [for the first time ever!] go weeks without touching them.

The one thing that got me hooked onto this new diet? Keeping track of what goes in vs what comes out. It makes sense and all about mathematical equations than silly little notions…it makes you accountable. It forces you to remember back to sweating it out earlier in the day when you crave for a takeaway and you count up the calories:

I did not nearly pass out for nothing. 

Don’t get me wrong, if I have calories left in my day and I’ve done one or two workouts then I’m allowing myself my takeaway…dry option…no sauces, and I may still have calories left over.

Oh, and about the two workouts. It’s not hitting my gym twice a day- it’s walking the dog. It’s near-to-impossible to say no to a husky when he wants to go out. There’s just no excuse- he needs a walk and it’s not about me anymore. Even if my legs are sore and I’m still exhausted there’s over an hour of walking to do. Once you get outside, you’ll understand that it’s more of a mental battle than a physical one. You’re muscles stop hurting after the first few steps and you feel lighter, agile and more faster because of your previous workout already loosening you up.


One Week Left…

One whole week left of being Maid of Honour, and I was very bold today- I didn’t go shopping with the bride.

[While we’re on the subject of shopping. The Iconic Irish story, Clery’s closed yesterday! I’m still in shock. 160-years-old and I was supposed to run into it on Thursday, but didn’t. My mam freaked as she was going to go into it for her headpiece today.]

Now, back on track. It’s 16-odd degrees outside, which probably doesn’t sound like much, but for Ireland this is our summer. So I declined to go shopping [I don’t think I need to buy anything anyway], but instead I cleaned the house for the pre-wedding packing and mint-bagging thats happening tonight. I also tried to top up my tan, but in an hour [in which I read the first chapters of Angelfall] I got bored. IMG_1914

[see? i even took a photo I was getting so bored]

The boys are gone on their stags’ since 12, they’re going pigeon clay shooting and then to the pub for dinner and drinks.

I have one week left till the wedding, so I’m not touching any of the chocolate, bars or crisps that are in the press and trying to go for a walk every day and do my indoor exercises. When I started this diet-buzz, I didn’t think it was going to be so hard to lose the last tiny bit of weight off my hips. It’s just eating healthy and exercise, right? Yea, well, it hasn’t budged.

I’m not down to the weight I wanted to be for the wedding, but I’m still aiming for 9.5 stone before my birthday [July 28]…My weight is still sitting at 12 stone, [or 75kg] – but I think our scales is wrong, because that means I haven’t lost a single thing.

Dress shopping? Just kill me.

I went dress shopping yesterday for the day after my sister’s wedding. There’s a BBQ, and I wanted to get a dress because I don’t wear dresses and it’s an excuse to wear one.

Oh… I know now why I don’t wear them.

I tried on at least 20 in 3 hours over nearly 10 shops. They ranged in price from €20 – €200. Some designer, some not.

Not a single one suited me. I felt horrible afterwards, I thought I was okay with my weight, but now I want to lose more weight. I’m a size 10 [US 8] in a dress, and I’m not exactly lumpy, but I do have hips and a larger-than-average chest [34FF]. As I drove home from, I honestly hated being a woman.

I want to be girly, and wear bright clothes, show off my stomach and get pretty dresses the fit me, but this is why I avoid shopping as much as possible and wear baggy and dark clothes. I hate my body, and I hate my body more than ever now.

Since starting this diet…

At the start of 2015, I remember weighing myself in at over 13.5st. I am now 11.8st.

Since getting my dress measured I have lost 2.5′ off my hips and 2′ off my waist.

Exercising and eating healthy is addictive. You feel great when you do your squats, go for your walk, do your leg lifts or whatever, and you feel your muscles hurting and cramping up, but you keep going because its working and the more your work at it the better the results and that’s the cycle you get hooked on. The more your muscles hurt the harder you want to train, and that marathon-lenght walk turns into your morning routine.  You constantly try to outdo yourself; go for longer…do more…go faster.

The days I can’t go for a walk, I can be found randomly around the house with my mat doing lunges or planks or lying on the sofa doing my leg lifts. I have never gotten hooked on exercising. It’s has literally become my drug.

I have this mental picture in my head of what I want my body to look like. It’s a slow progress but I’m getting there and I’m slowly seeing the body I once loved and sweating has become the best feeling in the world, feeling the trickle roll down my spine is no longer revolting, but makes me feel alive.

I’m not doing this for you.

You don’t need to lose weight

These are the exact words that came from my aunt a few months back. They really bothered me. Here’s my reply.

I’m not losing weight for you to begin with so all outside opinions I don’t care about. Either from guys or just people in general, I don’t give a crap.

I wear clothes that flatter my figure and I have expensive jeans that happen to shape my hips and butt to make me look smaller.

The minute I take all my clothes off and I’m staring at my naked self in the mirror, I hate it all. I hate the stomach, I hate the ‘love handles’, I hate the chunky legs.

The chunky legs that never see the light of day because I never wear anything short outside the house, no skirts, dresses or shorts. NOTHING. It’s really upsetting because I want to be able to wear cute dresses and heels. The reason? I have this massive vein on my right leg that goes across my calf, does a little zig-zaggy dance at my knee, all of it sticking out. I hate it.

This is the reason I’m losing weight. [I’m calling it a lifestyle change.]

I’m doing it so I can be the best version of myself I can possible be.

I’m doing it so my little award to myself is to lose that horrible vein with an operation when I reach my target goal and stay there for a month.

I’m doing it because I want to look in the mirror and see the person I am- Stubborn and determined and not taking second-best.

I’m doing it to prove to everyone not to second guess me and not to get in my way.

I want to look good in a bikini. That going to the swimming pool is no longer a race to get into the water so less people will see me.

These are the reasons I’m changing my lifestyle.

I’ve been on it for a week now. Walking twice a day, taking a protein shake for breakfast, porridge for lunch and a meal with protein for dinner, and cutting out all sugar. I feel great. I have so much energy now that I was awake at 3am thinking last night, and I don’t even feel the side-effects. Still managed to get up for my morning walk at 7am.

Week – by – week goals

I know this may seem crazy, but because I have the wedding as an end date I think it’s really going to push me to get out the door and hit the streets a lot more. Each Sunday, I’m going to go to my dad’s and weight myself [he’s got a better scales].

Any fitness fanatics want to give me some tips?

Starting Weight : 29/3 = 165lbs / 74.7kg / 11.7st
5/4 = 159lbs / 72.393kg / 11.4st
12/4 = 154lbs / 69.853kg / 11st
19/4 = 151lbs / 68.583 / 10.8st
26/4 = 145lbs / 66.430  / 10.4st
3/5 =  140lbs / 63.5kg / 10st

My Weight Goals

I’m not exactly fat, but I’m not exactly skinny either. But I wouldn’t dare wear anything revealing my stomach or even a nice top that shows off everything. I want to be happy with myself, you know? I want to have a tight, fit body. That I can happily wear whatever I want and I know I look good.

I want to get down to 9stone 13lbs. Just because it looks like a healthy weight. I haven’t been below 10 stone since I was like 12. I also want to see if losing weight will make my boobs go down, because right now I’m  a 34FF [I know they’re not gigantic, but I’d like to be a C or D].

I also have this wedding in two months. I would love to be able to go in to get my dress and be told that I’m so much smaller than when I first got measured. I also want to look good in the photos because they’re going to be around for the rest of my life.

So, starting this week I’m going to try and walk twice-a-day, one in the morning at 7am and one at night at 9pm. I’m only going to drink water and tea without sugar and snack on porridge and fruit, no more chocolate or crisps or takeaways. If it goes well, I’m going to start being more healthy with my food choices and everything about myself.