Personal

Maybe Tomorrow.

I always thought of people on the dole or social welfare as lazy. That getting a job isn’t that hard. I was gutted that I left a 2.5k-a-month job, to being on the dole because some asswipe wanted to abuse the system. I felt like crap, and I remember sitting in the car and trying to keep myself from crying as a filled out all the forms to put myself onto the live-register.

I didn’t pay €30,000+ on education to be jobless and on €100-a-week.

Nearly a year later, and I’m still on it. It doesn’t get any easier, and that deephate for a messed-up government doesn’t leave. It stays there, in the pit of your stomach, and you’ll get through your day without flipping, until you lie down in bed and cry yourself to sleep.

And you know why?

Because you know your better than this, you know you can do so much, but your stuck in your stupid house and staring as the days slip on by. You do try your best to be upbeat and get the most of the day, so you get up at the crack-of-dawn and go walking. You come home and you make a stab at that hobby of yours, hoping something will spark in your brain. But it doesn’t.

There comes a point when your optimism disappears, that upbeat bright future vanishes. It takes a while- people don’t understand how you keep it together- but one day you’ll wake up, and you’ll just sit there. You know it’s fruitless to search for jobs, because you know exactly which ones are going to show up, and you know the ones from last month will be reposted with the exact same job…you did send off to that one didn’t you? Of course you did, they just didn’t bother getting back in touch.

You skip job searching for a few days, because it’s pointless, and you can always send off a day late, who’s going to care, right? And so you do. You keep sending off, and you even send off to major companies, in the hopes that they see your capability and whisk you up in their arms…but they don’t. They’re nice in their rejection- saying that they’ll keep you on file-  but you know your silly for even trying.

You don’t even get excited about interviews anymore. The non-paying ones you just do to get out of this house, and just if may be interested in doing it…

Oh, and then there’s the paying ones. You show off like you’re an animal in a crazed circus, and you keep on chatting about your love for some software you need to remember the name off, so you can buy it and learn it. Because, if it takes learning a new software in a day for a job, you’re going to be the expert in it.

On a high, you go home. You sit down and you sit your phone in front of you. You try and do things, but your phone is constantly in your hand or sitting beside you, and your eyes keep darting towards it, waiting for the e-mail or call. It never comes.

Maybe they’ll ring tomorrow? Yea, maybe tomorrow.

It’s the only notion that keeps you going now…

Maybe tomorrow. 

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